Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Intruder? Ghost? Ceramic Frog Bank?

I had a pretty decent weekend. We got a lot done around the house and had fun playing with Nicholas (who is always waiting standing in his crib in the morning to greet us now) and watched V for Vendetta which was actually quite enjoyable.

But the weekend didn't start good. My weekend started at 3:30 am on Saturday morning. Sound asleep, I awoke to a voice coming from the baby monitor. The whisper "Change is wonderful" came from the monitor and literally within seconds I had woke up and made my way to his room (all the while wondering not only who I was going to find there but whether or not they would be alive for the police to arrest them after I stopped them from taking Nicholas). I quickly and quietly swing open his door. Nothing! Nicholas is safe and sound asleep...the windows are intact and my mind is confused.

As I walk back to my room I'm going through what just happened. I know for a fact that those words came from the monitor. Could it have been a ghost? It wouldn't be the first house I've lived in with them. Could someone outside have said that and had it register so closely and in a whisper rather than a distant shout? Plagued with this strange occurance I tossed and turned most the rest of the morning. Upon waking I of course immediately checked on him again (he was standing and smiling waiting for me).

Later on that morning as I showered it occured to me what it was I had heard. Nicholas has a ceramic frog piggy bank (minus the piggy) that talks when you put money in it...in fact it says, "A little change is good. A lot of change is wonderful." It has been acting up and going off randomly lately. It must have went off and by the time the monitor kicked on the only part that came across was "change is wonderful" thus throwing me into the parental panic that it did.

This is one of the items that you wish didn't have to come with parenthood...worrying. But it did and the frog is lucky that it stopped talking before i got there otherwise it was in for a good "you've messed with the wrong family" beatdown!


Thursday, September 21, 2006

The Many Faces of Nic! - 2nd Edition

Welcome to the second edition of The Many Faces of Nic!

Below are 4 distinctly different expressions all taken during the same meal. Funny thing about babies, particularly the 8+ month olds...they have more facial expression capabilities then Jim Carrey at his peak of over acting.

Starting at the top left and going counter clockwise we have 1- Eager with excitement, 2- I'm totally gonna get away with my mischevious ways!, 3- Gimme Gimme Gimme!, 4- What you talking 'bout Willis?

many faces2

Going through our recent photos I probably will have editions 3 and 4 up soon as well so continue to link back here and please click a google ad on your way out or I may have to post his "I'm so disappointed in you" face.

Nic's Dad


Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Blog here! Read my blog here!

How was your weekend folks? Really? Well thats a shame...I'm sure the police will find it soon. Oh, well I doubt they will still be in there, i'd call and cancel them right away before you end up paying for someone else's mail-order bride or something.

Anyways, I went with my brother-in-law, Dann (two 'Ns'), to the early yankee/red sox game saturday. A couple quick things to note: 1.) Even though there are no signs...do not smoke on the subway platform at Yankee stadium. There is apparently a new law being inforced. 2.) Don't believe the beer vendors when they tell you last call is at 3:00...they just want you to drink warm beer! 3.) When you don't have all four seats across, you will end up next to someone who won't shut the 'F' up! 4.) The brotha yelling out "hey cracker, jack" isn't referring to you, he's a vendor selling them!

We lost, but it was a fun game while it lasted. I found it very interesting to observe the different techniques of the stadium food/beverage vendors who walk up and down the isles. One guy acted just like the beer he was selling had just pissed him off with a quick agitated, "HEY Budweiser!" Where as another guy appeared to be calling his friend over to the seats after having just walked down the wrong isle and now staring around lost in confusions, "Hotdog! Here! Hotdog!"

Imagine having to sell your job that way? Just think about walking up and down isles for 3 hours yelling out your specialty in order to get people to use you. You've really gotta get someone to want your product so some industries would have to shorten and 'clever-up' what they are yelling. For instance, the INS could yell, "Specialty relocators here!" So think about your profession and leave a comment as to what your sell call would be. And if you have ideas for any other professions feel free to leave those too. =)

I'll leave you with the below picture of George stalking Nicholas. As you can see Nicholas is smiling because he knows if George jumps down he'll be in a world of hurt as Nic lays down the law! OH YEAH!

Jeter George


Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Wow, they really do exist!

So I was all ready to enlighten your worlds with a blog this morning entitled "Playing with my caulk & walls" where I talk about some recent home improvements we made. That all got washed away when I pulled into the Hess station for gas on my way to work.

Excited at the $3.05 price (sad right?) I went to the Hess in our town instead of my usual station. I jumped out of the truck, connected her up to the pump and began to fill the starving belly of a tank. On the other side of me was a big blue work van, complete with the ladder on top and the stained t-shirt driver pumping his gas while eating a sandwich. He had been there when I pulled in so naturally he finished first and packed up shop. I watched him get into the van, close the door and then take off...and this is when I witnessed what I never thought I'd see in person...having forgot to remove the pump from his gas tank, when he lurched forward to leave he ripped the hose right out of the pump (mind you we were sharing a pump, just opposite sides) and in slow motion, it flew in the air like a trapped snake in the claws of an owl, then came to rest just as the driver looked out his window to see what happened.

First he looked amazed, then he saw the gas spots on ground and then looked at me and had that "i'm just gonna drive off, no one will notice" look in his eyes...but my continual "you best get your ass over there and mention this to the attendant" stare I was returning him made him change his mind...I think. He got out and removed the detached hose, while I stopped my pumping all together, happy with my half tank considering there was now an open gateway to explosive materials on the other side of my pump. He got back in his van then while staring at me, drove over to the attendant, got out, stared at me one last time as he went into explaining.

I hopped in my truck and drove away while thinking, "Holy, shit! People that stupid really do exist. Guess that means no time for my caulk & walls.....gonna have to alert the world!"


Thursday, August 17, 2006

TOC: The Target Tantrum

(Just a quick reminder for new readers: TOC (Toaster Oven Chef) is a friend of mine and dangerously in love with her toaster oven. I've asked her to submit her toaster oven recipes as a regular segment here at MWUBW.)

So, I know I promised a recipe this time around, but the TOC has been a little dismayed by her little oven. Lately, I keep thinking of all of the things I can't cook in my oven. I can't cook pancakes, eggs, whole turkeys or even pizza. Saddened by my thoughts, I decided to see what was new in the world of toaster ovens - or I was going to have to change my entire world. Maybe the toaster oven wasn't the greatest invention? Maybe it really was indoor plumbing? I had to make sure I wasn't wrong...so I went to Target. The Mecca of cheap appliances that are totally hip and cool.

As I wandered the aisles of the Target toaster oven section, what did my eyes see, but lovely, new, innovated toaster ovens all around me! I was drawn to a particular oven - it was sleek, black (the skinny color even when cooking fattening foods) and - get this - it was EXPANDABLE! I don't know how they did it - I was fascinated and completely mesmerized. I could cook a whole pizza (and we are not talking those crappy Lean Cuisine rectangle pizzas either - this was a whole pie!!!!) And there was more, I could cook a solid 8 lb turkey / chicken. Look out Thanksgiving, here I came.

I stopped a young 12 year old in red and khaki - the uniform of all Target employees and asked him about this wonder before me. Here is how it went:

"Hi!" I said, all smiles and giddy

"What" he said, all frowns and snootiness

"Can you tell me more about this oven?" I said - still cheerful, but doubtful at this child's attitude

"It is all on the box, cooks pizza, whole turkey, whatever." This dude was about as exciting as my last blind date - who also, incidentally had the mind of a 12 year old even if he was 24 - don’t ask)

"Yes, I can see all of that" I said, irritation coming into my voice. "But what other features can you tell me about it?"

"Look, mam, everything I know about this is on the box."

I felt like he had just slapped me - he mammed me! Who did this snot nose kid think he was? I mean I may be almost 32 but I am NO MAM! I always get carded for alcohol and people are ALWAYS shocked when I tell them my age. I look at least 26 - nowhere near "mam" territory. I was pissed. So I decide to ride the wave.

"OK" I said with a smile on my face. "Can I plug it in and try it. I was planning on buying pizza anyway in the grocery isle so maybe we can just fire this baby up and see what its got!"

"No, mam" - there it was AGAIN! - "you would have to take it home to "try it out" - yes, he actually used his grubby little fingers to air quote his insult.

"Can I bring it back if it does not work?" I asked.

"I suppose..." he sighed, obviously bored with the "old lady".

"Ok, I said - "Listen, are you even an employee here? Because I thought there was a little something called "customer service" (yes, I aired quoted) you should be giving to your elders."

"Lady, you are crazy, buy the toaster, don't buy the toaster, I really don't care."

As he walked away I found myself yelling at his flat backed ass "That's right, I am a lady and you don't even know your products - it is a TOASTER oven".

Needless to say, no purchases were made that day.

But being the industrious girl I am, I went on line and ordered my little beauty - free shipping too! And now, when I buy my favorite Amy's Pizza - Spinach of course - I just pop it in my super cool toaster oven and watch it cook!

See, I knew indoor plumbing was not the greatest invention - I can pee anywhere, and even though I still can't cook eggs or pancakes - seeing that entire pizza cook in that small little oven - now that is magic!


Monday, August 14, 2006

You've been messengered!

On my way to work this morning i passed a bicycle cop who had pulled over a bike messenger (ironically literal). He had just finished writing a ticket out and handed it to the messenger as i passed. The look on the messenger's face as he yelled, "$150...what the hell is that for?" was hysterical...but only got better as the cop replied, "you ran a red light back there."

It felt like i was watching some skit or something about a world where we all rode bikes instead of driving cars. Can you just imagine how fit the world would be if we all rode bikes only? Then the thought hit me....wait, wouldn't that make us Mexico?

The Carl is not to good-looking for his own good! Spread the word!


Wednesday, July 26, 2006

The many faces of Nic!

Nicholas has helped me realize the secret of all the best actors...child mentality! As you'll see in the new MWUBW series "The Many Faces of Nic!" a child's mental freedom allows him to completely react in what he/she feels is the needed reaction. There is no real thought into what the f ace of 'scared' looks like...they just react! No, excited means i should do this....they just do what feels right. Being able to keep that outlook has got to be what makes the best actors out there...well, the best!

Nicholas has been so kind to demonstrate a few of his talented expressions below. You've got the shocked, the excited, the cute/innocent and the drunk/sleepy look. This kid is so gonna be a star!

many faces